say we take an M-80 to the toilet bowl of the American University. Wouldn’t that sound good with a little Aerosmith in the background?

’t have a vacuous life now so you can have a full one later. Have an adventure instead.

we still have a reasonable discussion about a male-only priesthood in a post-“Junior”-starring-Arnold-Schwarzeneggar world? You’ll just have to listen to find out.

’s be honest, at our best we feel like A.C. Slater climbing onto a backwards chair. But there are the Screech moments as well.

heaven’s only good enough for you if other people can’t have it, then you’re not ready for it yet. But don’t beat yourself up…

you steal root beer and then lie about it, you’re trying to kill Aslan. And, by the way, you might as well forget about…

doesn’t take a Sherlock Holmes to figure out the difference between Old and New Testaments. A water bottle and a little mercy go a…

’re eating a burrito and you notice a monster rose right over your shoulder. Just remember that yellow is for friendship.

bonus! When it comes to a good beard, there’s just not that much to be said. We defy this principle. (Feat. Dmac)

could be incense or it could be cheese in a can, but the moment you smell it you think, “I don’t know what it…

might be a video of a figure skater with overdubbed flatulence, but some things just have to be shared. “You can have your thing…

you’re looking for silver or gold you’re barking up the wrong tree. You might be able to squeeze some breviaries out of us if…

tweeted at you. Now you have an hour to figure out how twitter works. You should probably ask someone other than us.

Putin might be trying to infiltrate the seminary and kids are stabbing each other with tacks in Mike’s catechism class. We really need to…

you think we can put this Vatican up on Craigslist? Imagine how many five dollar foot longs we could afford. We’re going to be…